Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.
Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.
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